Letter from the Editor: When God plays Where’s Waldo

By Courtney Warren

School is back in session; but, before students returned to our classroom, my school hosted an in-house conference called Teach Live. It was all about teachers teaching other teachers. It was an incredible way to meet new friends and learn from my colleagues, so when I saw that a teacher I greatly admire was hosting a session, I knew I wanted to attend, aside from leading my own session. 

The session was called “Where’s Waldo: Finding the Gospel in Everyday Moments with Students.” The essential question was, “What if we looked as intently for God and real people as we do for Waldo?” Do we see our students? Do we know them? Do we love them? He led us to consider: are we living and teaching with intention? Am I looking and seeking Him every day? In my classroom? In the hearts of my students? But more importantly…have I sought Him for myself? 

I came away from that session feeling so encouraged, as this colleague leaves me feeling after most of our conversations. I began to consider, when was the last time I truly sought God? When did I calm myself enough to hear His voice? 

Honestly? I don’t know that I have ever sought God with intention and then heard His voice. However, I have two moments where I know I heard Him without seeking Him. He came to me. In a pit of despair. 

In 2020, I was blessed to carry a sweet baby. My family was so excited to be pregnant again and to share that pregnancy with my daughter. When I went to my very first appointment, the young nurse doing the sonogram said, a little surprised herself, “I’m so sorry, I’m just not hearing a heartbeat today.” 
I was alone due to COVID rules, so I kept my tears in until I got to the car. I played the guessing game all the way home, wondering what I did, what was wrong, or why this happened. 

I returned to school two days later and kept it all to myself. 

About three months later, we were blessed with another pregnancy. This time, I got far enough along that I got to hear my beautiful sweetheart’s heartbeat. Twice! She was wonderful. Her name was Mary Pepper Warren, and she was named by her big sister, Berit. We were so excited to meet her. 

I was terrified. I spent a lot of time praying. I wasn’t necessarily seeking God, but rather praying for comfort, peace, and protection. 

I went to another routine appointment, excited to hear her heart again, only for the doctor to tell me she couldn’t find it. She sent me downstairs for another sonogram. I saw my sweetheart on the screen, but there was no movement where her heart was. 

“Why?” I shouted and cried in the room. 

The nurse, in that moment, snatched her mask off of her face and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” was her mantra. 

She helped me calm down and took me upstairs to meet with my doctor again. I sat on the table waiting, numb, and heartsick. I apologized to Baby Pep over and over. I was so sorry. 

Again, I wasn’t seeking Him. I just sat in the pit. Just being. 

The doctor came in and said the baby had a genetic mutation that most likely caused this. 

She said those words. 

We were the only two people in the room. 

We are both females. 

A man’s voice spoke with full force behind my left shoulder, “I took care of you.”

I know it was God. 
Period. 

I knew it like I knew my own name. 

I wasn’t seeking Him. I wasn’t praying for Him. 

He came to me. He took care of me. 

I don’t quite know what that means, but I do know the exact same words were spoken to my mother-in-law years prior: “I will take care of your family.” 
If we were “Where’s Waldo-ing,” I was Waldo and He found me. 

I went home and told my husband and daughter. We cried together and healed in the best ways that one can heal from being 1 in 4. 

We decided we now had two sweethearts with Jesus and would take time being a family of three. 

That next summer, I began to wonder what they were doing. Do they grow up? Are they in heaven? Are they taken care of? 

But again, I didn’t seek these answers. I sat in church and praised Him, thanked Him, loved Him, but I never posed the question to Him. I wondered, but I trusted Him. Because He took care of me. 

However, one night I woke up. I knew I was awake. There is no question. 

My husband and daughter slept beside me, and a man stood in my bedroom. He was a black shadow, around 5’11, and did not cause me fear. I sat up and looked at him. He was holding an infant. As he stood in our bedroom over my sweet family, he bounced this infant baby in his arms. As he bounced the baby, the form of the infant changed and shifted to the form of a toddler, and sat on his hip. 

I didn’t feel as if I was being shown something to come. Instead, it was more of a feeling of comfort. It was an answer to a question I was seeking without realizing that I was seeking it.

They were okay. 

The next Sunday, I shared this with a church leader who is very dear to me. I hadn’t told a soul, but somehow she has a way of getting me to share things with her, as if she were reading me like a book. 

“Well….about this time is the age she would be right? A toddler?”

I burst into tears. 

“Why don’t you go sit with that. Sit with Him. He showed you something wonderful,” she said. 

I wasn’t seeking Him. I didn’t pose the question. I didn’t ask. 

But twice, God gave me a gift. 

If that’s what He shares when I’m in the pit, when I’m wondering, when I DON’T seek Him…what will He share when I do? 

That was the thought I had when I sat in the “Where’s Waldo” session. What will God share when I take the time to see Him?

Whatever it is, my word for 2023 and beyond is SEEK. I’m going to seek in every aspect. Seek and listen. 

I’m all ears, Lord.