CoffeeTime: “SIBLINGS – FRIENDS, ENEMIES, OR STRANGERS”

You grew up together. Fought over who got to ride the newer bicycle and who would have the bigger bedroom. Laughed at the same old TV cartoons while inhaling your morning ration of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes with sweetened milk. Made fun of each other unmercifully. Griped to one another about all of Mom and Dad’s stupid rules. Told lies to help each other escape punishment for breaking those same rules. Or, with unbridled glee, deliberately tattled on the rule breaker in order see them suffer the penalty from Mom or even worse, (gulp) Dad.

Sound familiar?

But then. Everybody grew older, graduated high school and went their own way. And, as is true way too often, going their own way involved walking away from each other. Too busy with work, family, or higher education to find the time to stay connected.

Or, unfortunately, it could have been a totally different reason. A reason that could be titled, I HAVE NEVER LIKED YOU, AND I SEE NO REASON TO TRY NOW. Subtitle? “Jealousy, Hurt Feelings, and Long-Buried Anger.” There are a lot of angry memories in many adult siblings. We can own the memories of elephants when recalling our childhood battles. And also be stubborn as mules when it comes to acting like adults and working out those things that happened thirty+ years ago.  

We hold on to our “I know I was right!” with self-righteous coldness. As if that is going to punish our sibling to the point that one of these years she is going to come to her senses and fall down on her knees to beg forgiveness. Probably not gonna happen, folks. And it won’t matter how long you stay in your corner of the world and wait.

Because most likely, your unlovable mule/sibling is holding on to her version of the same fight, and feeling the very same, “I know I was right!” that you are. Waiting on you to fall down on your knees and beg her forgiveness.

And meanwhile, the years roll by. While both of you play the same waiting game. While both of you get more cynical and bitter with each passing day.

But when one of you bites the dust before the other, I doubt that the one remaining will triumphantly stand in your living room and be glad that you held to your principles and made yourself wait it out. That’s when you probably will realize the harsh reality that it’s forever too late to pick up the phone and say, “Hey, it’s me. Can we talk?” Too late to try and see each other’s point of view.

Make the first step. Even if your sibling refuses to take your calls, refuses to be even try to discuss the past, at least you tried.  And who knows? Maybe one of those phone calls will jostle the stubborn mule into actually talking it out with you. One of these days...or years. Or decades.                                                                                                                                             

 Give it a shot anyway.