Letter from the editor: All he’s ever been is kind

By Courtney Warren

This year, our school theme is “shine your light.” I was asked to speak at our chapel in front of over 300 middle schoolers. With October being suicide prevention awareness month, now more than ever we have to remember to shine our lights into others. I wanted to share with you all what I shared with our middle school students. 

All semester, we have talked about shining your light. We’ve talked about how we need to be kind to others and why God wants us to do that. I think it’s safe to assume that you all can agree with me when I say I’m a pretty loud and shiny person. I love to talk to people, I love to be involved, and I love to know what my students are up to. 

My favorite verse is Matthew 5:16, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”
When admin said this would be the theme this year, I was pumped. It’s a verse we have in our home and a verse I have tried to commit to memory. But I want to tell you about a time when I definitely didn’t feel shiny. 

Middle school and high school are supposed to be these wonderful years, with awesome events and memories that should last a lifetime. But unfortunately, not all of us have that experience.

I went through an incredibly difficult middle school and high school experience. 

Because of some difficulties going on at home, I found myself alone and angry. 

There were so many times that no one showed up for me. 

When I was bullied by an older student and told “Courtney, you’re pathetic. That’s all you’ll ever be,” no one showed up for me. 

When I had soccer tournaments and started on the varsity team, no one was in the stands. 

When I had a spot in my senior showcase, no one was in the audience for me. 

I didn’t get invited to church. I didn’t have a church family. And God was something that seemed conditional. You behave this way or do this thing, and only then will He love you in return. 

No one shined a light for me. 

So I stayed in darkness. 

And then that darkness turned to anger. 

I found myself ready to fight, more often than not. I walked around as if my skin was boiling, because I was so out of control and felt like I had no one in my corner, so I might as well tell everyone exactly what was on my mind. I was pathetic anyway, right? Those were the words that were spoken over me, so why not live up to that? I used my voice. I spoke out. I was aggressive. I was angry. 

I was a light, but in all of the wrong ways. 

So…I was still in darkness. 

I love seeing the amazing friendships the students all have in our middle school. I know so many of them will last the rest of their lives. It wasn’t until I graduated high school and moved two states away that I found my best friend. Like the song “Kind,” by Cory Asbury says, “I’ve tried to run from Jesus, I’ve started holy wars/ I’ve tried the patient waitin’ and the kickin’ down the doors/ I’ve cursed His name in anger with my fist raised to the sky.”

Y’all, I was not a good friend. I was mean. I was selfish. I didn’t put this friend first. 

And, just like our song, just like Jesus - all I ever got from this friend….was kind. 

This friend showed up for me. They were at my sorority plays cheering me on. They listened to me cry after a really hard test. They sat with me on rainy afternoons when I was so homesick for my family. I didn’t deserve this kindness. But this friend shined their light on me. 

It didn’t take long for me to realize it actually wasn’t a light this friend was capable of. The light this friend was shining came directly from their relationship with Jesus. 

Now, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I learned that God was preparing me for this friend. Had someone tried to speak God over me in high school, I wouldn’t have listened. It was going to take this friend to do it. It was going to take the love of a best friend to show me the love of Jesus. 

This friend never gave up on me. They never let me down. They always showed up for me. 

I never had to search in the bleachers. This friend was there. 

I never had to look on the sidelines. This friend was there. 

In my darkest moments, in my saddest days, through this loss of two babies, this friend showed me nothing but love. 

When I responded in anger, when I cried out to God and didn’t understand, when I alienated myself from everyone, this friend only gave me kindness. 
So, while we might feel alone right now, I want us to remember, all of God’s promises are Yes and Amen. He says we aren’t meant to be alone. This friend used God’s light. They shined his light into me over and over and over again until there was absolutely no room for darkness. 

I want you to remember that it’s not all about you. Who can you save by being kind? By shining a light in someone’s darkness?

Because I sure am blessed to be his wife, but I think I’m even more blessed to be Coach Warren’s friend.