CoffeeTime: “FEELINGS JUST OUTRIGHT LIE TO THEIR OWNER”

Have you noticed that in these recent years, you really can’t believe anything anymore? If you see a photo on the internet, it’s most likely been doctored. Photoshop creates its own reality. Hear someone talking and you are absolutely convinced that you know who owns that voice? Better be careful before you place your bets on that. Voice-altering is real. Actually witnessed something with your own two eyes? What you saw may not necessarily be the truth, but simply a carefully constructed version to make you believe you saw the truth. 

And your feelings? Oh, believe me, they also lie to you! Emotions do not bother with the truth, and they certainly do not play fair. Facts mean very little to them. They can make you believe “She is actually doing this to me, on purpose. This is really happening!” When the reality was, hurting you was not her purpose at all. She just enjoys mindless talking.

How do emotions lie to their owner?

Scenario:  A child grows up in a cold, lonely, abusive environment. No one truly cares whether she feels loved or not. She learns to cope with the pain by emotional closing off – from herself and from everyone else. No feelings are allowed inside her circle of one, so therefore, no pain there, either.  Childhood shapes our adulthood to a large degree. So, as she gets older, she has enormous challenges in feeling compassion – for herself or for others. Frozen inside, she is convinced that nothing bothers her and nothing should bother anyone else either. 

Think this is actually true for that lady? That she feels no loneliness, anxiety, or depression? That her accepted emotional state of “I truly feel nothing, good or bad” is real? Of course not. She has been lied to. Her emotions are tightly locked away so that she can function in this world, and living this way is all she knows. 

Anger may be her one allowed emotion. It is her security, her safety zone. It very likely was her main companion growing up, and so it’s the one that she believes and trusts as real.

There is a good chance that you have met this lady – or one who walks in her shoes. Or maybe, those same shoes are pinching your feet. If so, please realize this.

You deserve a life bursting with more feelings than just the constant undercurrent of anger that can surge instantly within you. Emotions of joy, sadness, peace, anxiety, boredom, and yes, even anger when it is appropriate. You deserve to feel the whole spectrum of feelings that are supposed to come with living.

Open yourself up to the possibility that there is more to living than always being in control. Tell yourself that you deserve to feel. That it won’t be near as scary outside your ‘circle of one’ as you think. Seek out a safe person and talk to them about this. Be open to learning to feel.